As Bella, Edward, and Alice leave behind the vampire blood orgy (that’d be a great name for a death metal band), Bella slowly freaks out at what’s going on in the room she just departed. One of the Volturi’s human servants asks if they need anything, but Edward sends her away. According to Edward, she’s aware of what’s going on and is fully aware she could end up as a vampire’s dinner, but goes through with it in the hopes that the Volturi will turn her.

Read More

Before we begin New Moon, I’m happy to announce a new staple to this series, the Clinginess Meter! Whenever Bella — just Bella — says or does something that’s horrifically obsessive about Edward, rather than comment on it, I’ll simply put the quote down and add 1 to the Clinginess Meter. And it needs to be obsessive; simply “I love you” doesn’t count, but “I could never live without you” does.

That settled, on we go!

Clinginess Meter: 0

Read More

In spite of having a human bleeding in front of him, Carlisle immediately takes control of the situation, telling Emmett and Rosalie to get Jasper out of the room. He’s perfected his self-control as a surgeon, after all. Carlisle and Edward take Bella to the kitchen to get her fixed up. Slowly, all the other vampires file away to avoid temptation, leaving Carlisle and Bella alone while he picks out the glass and stitches her up. And the next scene, aside from Carlisle putting antiseptic on the

Read More

Bella wakes up on the beach, Jacob thumping her in the back to get the water out of her lungs. She gradually comes to her senses and puts together that Jacob rescued her. The other werewolves are nearby, asking if she’s okay. She says she’ll live, but Jacob still decides to take her to a hospital. He’d come back because Victoria had slipped past the werewolves and into the ocean. Jacob was scared because he thought she might swim to the beach, where Bella spends a lot of her time, so he raced

Read More

Jacob and Bella start working on the motorcycles immediately. Jacob chats about his sophomore year at school and his two best friends, Quil (sic) and Embry. Almost immediately, they pop over to the garage to see what’s up.

Read More

The vampire waiting for Bella is Alice. Naturally, Bella’s ecstatic about this.

I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn’t like anything else — not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn’t done it justice.

CM + 1

Alice is there because, being the seer that she is, she saw Bella jump off the cliff.

Read More

Edward reluctantly runs Bella to his house. When they arrive, they have a discussion on their relationship.

“You can leave me,” I explained. “The Volturi, Victoria… they’re nothing compared to that.”

CM + 1

Read More

Time passes for Bella; Jacob’s given her a way to take her mind off things, so she isn’t nearly as miserable anymore. She’s aware that her behavior is self-destructive, but doesn’t care. Also, days of riding a motorcycle means she actually learns how to ride a motorcycle:

I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to worry Charlie. But it also meant that the voice in my head began to fade, until I heard it nore more. Quietly, I panicked.

CM + 1

Read More

Apparently shirtlessness is a symptom of lycanthropy, because the first thing Bella notices about all four of the other members of Jacob’s pack is that they’re void of thoracic covering. Great.

Read More

Bella’s still alive by spring break. She’s settled into a comfortable routine of visiting Jacob on weekends, talking with him whenever he has the time. During a dinner at La Push on the first day of spring break, she and Jacob slip out early for some alone time.

He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.

“Is that one of those wolf things?” I asked him. “The heat, I mean.”

Read More

The first sentence of the chapter is this:

We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began.

Read More

Hearing something scratching at her window, Bella freaks out, thinking it’s Victoria. No, it’s actually Jacob, climbing a tree to try to get into her room. Bella opens her window to let Jacob in, which brings up lots of bad emotions.

Read More

So, what’s the reason for the cliffhanger last chapter? What’s beyond that door that’s so surprising?

A hallway. Lame.

Three more pages of walking through halls, and then the group emerges into a castle turret, populated by both humans and vampires. They’re greeted by Aro, who…

Read More

Really?! (looks at table of contents) …Nope. Dammit.

Anyway, during Bella’s day at school, Edward’s distant, and the rest of the Cullens and Hales who still go to school aren’t there. Naturally, this is terrible for Bella, and her job after school at a sporting goods store drags on and on and on. She thinks it’s nothing, even though your boyfriend’s family almost eating you on instinct shouldn’t be nothing.

Read More

Bella drives out to the Cullens’ house, trying to get a glimpse of it. Actually, she’s wanting to hear Edward’s voice again, hoping deja vu will trigger it, but she doesn’t want to admit it. Think that’s unhealthy? So does Bella:

I didn’t want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.

She admits it’s mentally unsound and does it anyway. CM + 1

Read More

If any chapter in the series so far has come close to breaking me, it’s this one. If I wasn’t reading the series to find out what it did wrong, if I was only reading it out of a trainwreck mentality, I would’ve quit here.

Read More

There’s a brief description on how, several weeks later, everything’s back to the way it was before the Cullens left. Charlie’s set visiting hours for Edward and basically put Bella under house arrest, which I find hard to argue with. Bella’s looking at colleges to keep that option open and, apparently, Edward’s already gone to Harvard. If you’ve ever gone to Harvard, why the fuck would you go back to high school, you stupid son of a bitch?!

Read More

Bella and Jacob start trying out the motorcycles. It doesn’t go so well, mainly because Bella has no clue as to what she’s doing. It’s kind of endearing; it reminds me of when I was learning a manual transmission. Eventually, Bella manages to put it in gear, learns how to change gears, and tries driving it. But as soon as she starts moving, she hears Edward’s voice again, telling her how stupid she’s being. She loses control of the bike, but since she’s barely moving, she’s not too badly

Read More

Jacob’s sickness gets worse; according to Billy, he has mono and shouldn’t have visitors for more than a month. To make matters worse for Bella, the phone lines around La Push are acting up, so she can’t call him. Bella, however, is suspicious after looking the disease up online; mono isn’t very infectious and a lot of the symptoms don’t match what Jacob was like before he got sick. Besides, the main way you get mono is by kissing someone else with the virus, and they haven’t been kissing.

Read More

When we last left Bella, she was thinking about whether or not to tell Jacob about the hunting parties out looking for wolves. He’s her best friend, but she thinks he could be a killer. She’s come to a compromise: warn him about the hunters, but also try to convince him to stop eating hikers. She drives over to Jacob’s house, but Billy says Jacob’s still sleeping. So Bella just bangs open the door as loudly as possible without knocking. However, she changes her tune once she sees Jacob asleep

Read More